I'm not a real pussy doctor, but I play one in my shed....

So, apparently there is now a monarchy without a king, a kingdom in disarray, a country without direction. Or a block without a drunk/hepped up on goofballs asshole after the cops arrested him. Bear with me fine readers, I have a tale.


So, around eight thirty every night myself and either two or three co-workers leave the hospital and go to my front porch to smoke a cigarette on our ten minute break. Being that (which is understandable) the hospital doesn't want people (especially employees) smoking on hospital grounds. Although (somehow) my house technically falls within the hospitals anti-smoking area. Which boggles my mind, based on the fact that my landlord/roommate OWNS this house. So how exactly does a privately owned house fall within their non-smoking area? God only knows, but I digress.
Co-workers,8:30,smoking. Sitting on my front porch. Just shit talking, as one would expect on a smoke break. My new neighbors across the street have their entire family outside on their porch. And when I say entire I mean what seems to be every relative they have, all jammed into the house. I'm guessing they have bunks built in the basement Ala Fight Club. There has to be at least fifteen people I see on their porch and running around the general vicinity of their house. Always yelling, and screeching and blaring music. Toddlers in underwear running around at times that are well past an acceptable time for a child to be...
A.) running around in underwear
B.) even being awake (in my estimation)

So the kids are yelling, at the top of their lungs, running to the end of the block and then running back to the house. Not exactly conducive to a break.

When out of nowhere the aforementioned nutball starts to yell, and I quote.

"WHICH ON OF YOU PUSSIES SAID SHIT?!?! WHO SAID SHIT AND RAN AWAY?!?! MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
I KNOW YOU WENT IN THAT HOUSE, WHO THE FUCK SAID SHIT AND RAN OFF?!?!?!
I'M THE KING OF THIS BLOCK, I RUN SHIT HERE NIGGA!!!"

And so on ans so forth ad nauseum.

Now the whole time he's yelling, more and larger members of said family he is yelling at are coming out of their bunker. There is a (and I use this term loosely) grown man accusing children of "starting shit". Really, really?
The one thing that makes this a little bit more than just random nutball starting shit is the fact that he appeared to be carrying some form of weapon. Looked, to me at least, like a fork or possibly a knife of some sort. So shit is a bit more serious than it really should have been. About two minutes into his tirade a cop comes tearing up behind him. The cop hops out and has what I believe was a gun, but might have also been a tazer ( Oh how I wish it had been a tazer) pulled out almost immediately. Which makes me feel a little bit better about my neigborhood, but also hate it for the fact that this even has to happen.
Cope does his job, douschebag drops the weapon, he is cuffed, and lets out one last "FUCKING PUSSY!!!" before being shoved into a squad car and driven off to the pokey. And that my friends is why I hate my neighborhood on certain nights.

In a perfect world I would have a tazer, and the world would be a better place.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQUrqLQfPME



Next time: I beat Kobayashi in a hot-dog eating contest, and Kobayashi beats me by eating my hot-dog.