I don't even have the strength to swear at you...

So for those who know me (or have read this blog before) you will all know that i am a generally a pretty angry and neurotic guy (along with anxiety prone, depressive, manic, so on and so forth). Long story short, I am jumping back into the world of psychology, or at least going to see one in two weeks. I'm not really sure how I feel about hits whole ordeal at this point. I know my personality has changed,drastically, since I started working second shift at the hospital. Or to be more honest (cause I bring the truth to the strong black youth), I've noticed how scattered my mind is recently, and how I take the slightest thing, real or imagined, and worry it like a puppy with a blanket.

Case in point...

I just spent the last hour or so fighting back a full scale panic attack. "Why?" you might be asking.
Isn't it obvious? because when I talked to Amy on the phone she seemed tired, or bored. Which translated to her being tired of me, or bored with me. And then (oh it gets better) I start to over-analyze it in my head (where else would I do it?) until it turns into this
(wherein my fucked up head will be explained by two lizards wearing tuxedos with tails, top hats and monocles)

Lizard brain A:well she's obviously going to break up with you.

Lizard Brain B:Or she's seeing someone else, or at least interested in someone else.

Lizard Brain A: I like where you're going with that good sir! Yes, she is going to break up with you
because she is interested in someone else.

Lizard Brain B: In fact, he is probably over at her house right now.

(close curtain. End scene.)

Or for another summary of how it works. For those of you who have done acid before (I'm sure a couple people who read this have), you know those times when you become extremely introspective and mull over everything? That's me when I'm having an anxiety attack. Except all the fun is gone.

Awesome.

I feel like this has been affecting the most important parts of my life, you my dear readers, and of course, my wonderful girlfriend. Will any of this help? I'm not really sure yet. Obviously I'm gonna have to wait and see. I really don't want to be crazy anymore, I really don't. And I know this comes across as whining, or what you would expect in a blog. And to that my response is......fuck you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9Kx_t6ko1k